Twenty-four hours Lord help me in your graces the day and night through
the day before what would have been our fifteenth anniversary he has married again on May 18, 1996, a few months after the divorce. I did not know at this time he was already married.
In Jesus name, Lord, we are going into tomorrow, twenty-four hours. Lord help me in your graces the day, and night through. Let my work be with You.
For in the World, as is, there are memories of the marriage that could have rectified in working through Christ but was not forgiven, for a purpose.
Lord if he chooses to marry her I wish them no guile for I am with You in Truth, deceit, UN-trust, do not become me.
God’s way is truth direction, for I was lost without You, and now I am found. For my Love is in You, through You, round about you. You are the only truth that is Omnipresent, yesterday, today, and forever.
Lord, please guide our children, let them know I am working on me with You, and it is hopefully Your Will for me to be with our children again. “Your will be done.” When it is Your Time Lord.
Thank You, Lord Jesus Christ, in Your Ever Present Blood. “In Jesus We Trust.” May 29, 1996, Wendy Yvette Greenwell
My fantasy only saved me when everything was crashing down
It was a tough week, previous. I need to strive totally for my independence, and I am satisfied with all the Divorce, for now, later it will be a completely different story.
All the years were a struggle.
I am not happy with what I put up with, the way I reacted to him, the way the children were’ in the middle of our hatred. It should not have happened. I cannot blame anyone but myself, for being so vulnerable to lies, deceit, confusion, rudeness, unfaithfulness.
My fantasy only saved me when everything was crashing down
And my husband then was suffering from his sufferings, and he was not able to talk about it. There is a big difference between honesty and deceit. I do not hate him; I do not love him either. I would rather be by myself then to subject myself to another man’s rules and regulations, his power, and control, to put down my existence. I feel like I am twelve what regression. It is not easy, but I know significant changes are going to be happening.
I do love, it here in San Antonio,
I was tired of The Valley to many memories. Not good at forgetting all my trauma’s right now. I know there are worse things that could have happened. I am such an outcast, not a people person, my esteem I have zero, I have to pick myself up.
How could I be so coy,
Oh God, I have let myself suffer so much, and I could not do anything about the outcome. I always wanted him to be more of a part of the children’s life. I will never feel sorry for her or be happy for her, I have given her to much emotion, and she has my family.
I lost my husband because of her and his not being able to forgive himself for the awful years he was so cruel to me. He wanted to do it right, it to me is not fair, but I do hope he gets there even if it is with her.
He said it took six years to get over me holding a grudge because I told him I had a crush on my third pregnancy Dr. who I had confided all that I had succumbed to all the abuse, those six years most important part of our children growing up. He was cruel and suave, neglected everything except his career, I had no other choice than to put up, and this is what I got. It is going to get better, and at this point, it is all I can handle.
It is Sunday, I read the Bible, and I feel some relief.
This has been a hard week also. Important crucial to the addicted person state and confusion and or being addicted to the addicted person. April 22, 1996, Wendy Yvette Greenwell
March 12, 2018, My Dad wants us, my twin and I do see him today. He is 85 now, and he has some issues going on that he is worried about. We are an hour and a half away from where he lives. My sister fell and hurt herself on the rib cage, so I am driving. It has been some time since I have driven to the Arroyo.
Her husband is staying with Richard and my dog and their dog that is 18 blind and can not hear, it is so sad, but she is still trucking around.
I know I am going back to 1996, it is all meant to go together. So it does not matter what year I pick on. I am on a roll. This is the 50th day that I have Published, and I feel I need to continue. No matter how uncomfortable I am at times.
The first six months was cleaning out the cobwebs so to speak. So with all of this, I am going to keep this on here, and Publish. The Picture is dark, but I do not care. It is Fabulous, I have never taken a picture of my trees with a shadow before, so it is exceptional. Take care; God Bless The World and Everyone On It. Are you ready, I can not believe myself sometimes. I have to Publish it. February 9, 2019, Wendy
Thank you for helping me through the hardest time of my life.
Thank you for helping through the hardest time of my life
Writing is just much more personable. I am a little impatient.
I have been writing a lot, knowledge of the understanding of the Bible. I am thankful for my twin the anger I once had is gone from God. He fixes what needs to be fixed.
In The Bible, we need to read it in the present tense. You are a master involved in so many outlets helping people with knowledge.
The understanding of different aspects of the whole realm of your studies in your discipleship. I hope with the studying of the Books of The Bible that one day I will be able to give at least a fourth of what you have provided in your lifetime. I look like a failure at marriage and children in life ha!
But now tense I am where God wants me to be. I am growing inward which will be more fruitful tomorrow.
A lifetime of negative has to replace itself with the truth of our existence. There has to be more, and there is. I will get passed this and hopefully be able to push my way out into the World. May 29, 1996
March 11, 2018, To my 72-year-old friend, guardian angel, I used to call her. I am second guessing myself. Should I, Could I, Would I, Shall I, Yes I think I will. February 9, 2019, Wendy
Aches and pains feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out.
Inner self, please start peaking through show me help me
Desperate, at the end of the dead end. What is keeping me back? Where is any confidence?
Inner self, please start peaking through show me, help me, show me of my truth of existence, vice versa.
You know way more than I for I am but a pin, widen my perception. I see a lot the knowledge reasoning understanding of the Bible in an I was their text.
So we have God’s foundation, and the death and resurrection as Christ did, we have the Baptism through the Holy Spirit, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.
The deliverance from evil. Seven times will pass over. Seven mountains to climb. The death of the inner person who has an individual but equal soul to each and every potential, in the Spiritual plane in awareness. Inner Spiritual Wendy give me some help here. May 19, 1996, Wendy Yvette Greenwell
March 10, 2018, once again last minute Publication. Too much going on. I feel I need to Publish anyway. February 9, 2019, Wendy
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
So what am I supposed to do
“As it was, in the beginning, is now and ever shall be the world without end.”
So what am I suppose to do? The Book says to be positive and affirm positive attributes and dedicate yourself to your conviction, and I have. Time, and time again. Through out the length of my writing days, and then some. I acknowledge that you have given me the greatest gift being, in presence of spirit with you in all my writings. January 14, 2010
Laser Tomorrow
Mr. Errol Grannum will be performing drilling a hole in my left eye and the will re-open the hole in my right eye. The ones that made this happen are Knights Templar out of Illinois. Thank you. They are paying for my surgery on my left eye, and since my Dad and His Wife paid in cash the first surgery and preliminary Doctor’s appointment, he is going to open the hole in my right eye.
It is a stressful time for me on the 27th I go before the Social Security Disability Judge, my third appeal. I have not had very many Doctor appointments because I do not qualify for any help because once again I am a pauper because I quit June 2007 because I was suffering from my eyes and yes forever thought they were’ eye migraines, turning out to be Narrow-Angle Glaucoma, with Cataracts that are not bad enough to take out.
I am not even eligible to get the help of any kind from the commissions for the Blind. Now if I were going to go back to work, they would help me. I figure I will go to them if I get denied again.
My brother is coming down from California
for my Twin and My 50th Birthday. Weird how swift time flies.
You see back in early 1996 I wrote a piece,
I asked the Lord for a friend, not a husband, Ha. There is a difference. He gave Richard and me our friendship. We have lived in this comfortable House for eight years. When I worked, I paid for my part. But since I have not worked in two years and seven months, he has taken care of all of it. It is only Him, my Son and me now. The girls have since seven months moved out.
Although I care for Richard with his needs, he has provided. Home for me. We remain friends, and of course, we are companions, we even share a room, but it does not mean we are common law married. “He is 75 now. Cerebral Palsy has taken its toll on him. I am thankful that God gave me the ability to care for him day in day out, although we like the nights I hate the Sun, the heat of South Texas.” Jesus Christ thank you for Richard, my best friend. Only a friend. I am worried, and no one will still help.
Oh Lord in your name I do pray. I am so confused about what I am supposed to do. I need your help in all areas of my life, my love, my book, the complete book. The Surgery on my eyes tomorrow, The court in front of the Judge for Disability with my Lawyer at least I will not be alone.
I have been reading 2005 writings
“Reflections of In Presence of Spirit.” To the husband of my youth, from the wife of his youth. It is beautiful that is when I had my first glaucoma attack. I am already on page 59. He still has not read it But my reading and editing further a feeling the vibration of such power prayers to the husband of my youth that is over one hundred pages and 29,000 plus a word count. Second to the highest words from all the years of writing.
It is for anyone, not just him. Truly it is verified. Hopefully, prayerfully you can find forgiveness in your heart, mind, and soul, it takes a ton of layers of your past and gives you the room to breathe through the cleansing of your hearts pain.
I know it works because that gut pain has not come back.
Even in extreme difficulties, to describe mine to the minute status. How else could I state that? I have choice minutes of anxiety depression, fear, I do not have the means and resources I need. Still, no transportation. January 21, 2010
I know I have been working on the writings, no one else was going to do it.
I told my Lawyer it is my hobby, Ha, it is a lot more than that, but because, “In Presence of Spirit,” only sold one book. There is no money involved it has nothing to do with my Court. I worked for The Lord and He will provide in His time. This, all this, is not, for greed it is to help, in the regeneration of our souls. Seriously I followed through with what I was given in Spirit to do. Even in my Mortality with my own problems and the way I am. The Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ blessed me with His Presence of Spirit.
Thank you, Jesus Christ, there is no way I would have made it through without you and our “You are and I am In Presence of Spirit in Conversations with the Lord.” “Knowledge had but impatiently been misplaced”
I knew that was the beginning of my book. I was going to be writing while I worked on it on the side. I was still writing every word that would one day be my complete, to be certified Book, of the offspring of my first, in writing communication, “In Presence of Spirit.”
Jesus Christ heard my prayers and answered it at the beginning of my soul’s voyage in search of peace in my soul. Now we know it is not all about me. It is for anyone who is searching and not finding. It is for you and for me. I still do not speak about all this, I have no questions to answer. My eyes feel better today. January 28, 2010, Wendy Yvette Greenwell
